LETTERS
Hola, Chicken Rangers. And welcome to the Mailbag, a section where you, yes, thats right, YOU send me letters and I respond. Have a problem? Got a compliment, complaint, or candid remark about the site? If so, e-mail ojy2k@yahoo.com and I'll respond to you right after I finish deleting buckets full of gay pornography and penis pumps ads.
SUBJECT: I REALLY FUCKED UP
FROM: "Ola Ade" double007@onebox.com
Hello, Management and staff of Skynet World Café, I really made a grievous mistake by not telling you guys b4 using a friends time: From the deepest part of my heart, I say “I AM SORRY” When I was about to bring the gut as explained b4, he didn’t want to come and he later confessed that he overheard the conversation between one lady in a wine or red dress with one of you guys (I mean a staff), so he was aware of the name and password she will use to browse, but I was so daft that I couldn’t tell you guys for I intentionally came because of the extra minutes this guy told me. I am sorry for any inconveniences this might have caused you guys. I AM VERY SORRY.
Dear "Ola Ade",
I am sincerely pissed off at your lack of judgement in regards to this recent Skynet World Cafe incident. However, I do pity you, you worthless, shriveling sack of a man, but don't think that the rest of the world here at Skynet feels the same way. Now, get out of my face and go play with dolls or something.
What's up yo!You know that you not easy I thought you said to me to check out the stuff for you I never knew that wanted to me to buy the product.Anyway it cost CDN$59.99+TAX so that's about CDN$70.OO when you add on the tax.Right now I am trying to get myself back into order.I am broke so I am trying to see if I can get a job at the present moment.So how things at UTECH?As well football etc.When you see Chris at football tell him he is a bad baragin and also that I am back in Toronto.Is Jamaica the same way I left it?What's your telephone number?Take care until I hear from you.Over here still hot.I don't have a job right know so that's the reason I said I couldn't buy the stuff.
Garth
Well, its clear that you've failed me once again, Garth. I would expect no less from a known alcaholic such as yourself, but this last feat... well, it really takes the cake to say the least. I really, really wanted that product, but thanks to you... I WON'T BE GETTING IT. I see no reason to give out my telly number to a pathetic boob such as yourself. Maybe if you shaved that stupid beard, put on some decent cloths, and GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SELF RESPECT, I'd reconsider this offer. But for the time being, my answer is NO. And that answer stands. What, they don't have phone books up there in Toronto?
Slyvester,i will like you to call me by tomorow afternoon.
Sorry, Omole, but I'll be busy tommorow. I have a gigantic test and I'm busy studying for it. On top of that, you still have not apologized to me for the way you insulted me yesterday. Did you really think what you told Katey on the bus wouldn't get back to me when Scott was listening to it? Well, Scott told me what you said. Seun, you know I like Katey man, not cool.
SUBJECT: I MISS YOU
FROM: "George Peebles" writegeorge@email.com
Hello Guy, How are you there? are you still in 'Dapo's place? kindly let me know immediately so that I can check on you there as soonest. How is life with you and how is work? You never even bothered to mail me at all. Well, I will wait to read from you as soonest. Your 'gee. --
Listen, Peebles, it's over between us! I'm tired of you and your worthless shinanigans, and all of the pain and misery you have caused me. Anyone who truly loved me would KNOW that I moved out of Dapo's years ago! You insensitive human being. I never bothered to mail you because you were never there for me, and that hurt me deep inside Peebles. And you think one little e-mail will fix all of that?!!! You must be out of your freaking mind. Why don't you go to HEB and lock yourself inside one of the ice cream freezers, and maybe you can turn the rest of your body as cold as your own cold, black heart! Away with you, you thoughtless brute, I demand a sincere apology before we can even think of truly rekindling the relationship we once had.
SUBJECT: Re: I MISS YOU
also (moron boy sent two identical e-mails with different subject lines) SUBJECT: DON'T MISS ME
FROM: "George Peebles" writegeorge@email.com
HELLO GUY,
KILA GBE KILE JU? YOU JUST THINK I DESERVE ALL THIS SHITS, WELL, MY WEBMAIL DOES NOT ENTERTAIN ALL THIS SHITS, CALL ME ON MY LINE AS THE SECOND ONE HAS BEEN TOXED. THIS IS FOR MY MUM ANYWAY, 2313138.
I WAIT TO READ FRO YAH
--
1 cent a minute calls anywhere in the U.S.! http://www.getpennytalk.com/cgi-bin/adforward.cgi?p_key=RG9853KJ&url=http://www.getpennytalk.com
SUBJECT: HOW CAN I NOT?!
You do deserve the treatment I gave to you, Pebbles! So, you're second line has been toxed, eh mate? Well I know that I that was the number you gave me before! Back when you didn't want to love me. Back when you thought I was a loser, and always tried to keep me down. I can't believe that you wouldn't even give me your other number until now! Now you're lonely, desperate for love, and trying to sell 1 cent a minute phone calls anywhere in the US! Did you write me back just to sell me phone calls? Whats more is that you still haven't apoligized, Pebbles! Do you think I deserve this treatment? Pebbles, I love you! But I don't know if I can handle this pain anymore! So until you can apoligize for the ways you hurt me, I don't think I can ever see you again! Good bye!
SUBJECT: Please come out in your real colours?
FROM: "George Peebles" writegeorge@email.com
Hello Guy,
I don't really understand why you are gay or are you a lesbian? Why I love you and miss you in all this message? Could you please identify yourself more clearly and stop beating about the bush and I am not in America but still in Nigeria and that is if it were you Dapo.
Regards.
George
--
1 cent a minute calls anywhere in the U.S.! http://www.getpennytalk.com/cgi-bin/adforward.cgi?p_key=RG9853KJ&url=http://www.getpennytalk.com
I'm beating around the bush!? I'M BEATING AROUND THE BUSH?! You told me you were my "'gee". What was that, a lie!?! Why must you always e-mail me to torment my battered heart, and try to sell me 1 cent a minute phone calls!?! Why, Peebles, why?! Do you think my webmail is entertained by this fecis?! No, its not, it cries for this, and it cried for you!
Now you're calling me "gay" and saying I am a "lesbian". Yeah, I'm a lesbian trapped inside a man's body! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, that's a good one... but seriously, I do not appreciate your ethnic slurs! Now tell me, flat out- do you see a future for us, Pebbles? I know I'm not in 'Dapo anymore, but I used to always think- I always thought- oh well, what does it matter, these dreams?! They escape like fluffy clouds and fly away into our past, don't they Pebbles? Perhaps our paths were meant by the hands of fate to cross only once, and never more.
What do I know, I'm known only as King of All Men? Still, despite all the disagreements we've had, I've always respected you Peebles. And I hope you do the same for me. So what do you say, old chum, should we bury the hatchet, or not?
I sent you a message but i do not know if you have seen it. send a reply to my box as soon as you see the message. how is yetunde? send my greetings to her.
I am Iyadunni Ojo your sister from Ilupeju Ekiti. I was the one that mail you through the address you sent to us through Oye but you said who are you people?
Have you forgotten the lady you saw at Igbo Ora last year April with late Mr. R. O. Ojo? If you can still recollect, it is that same Dunni your sister you knew from the core.
I will be looking forward for your Reply.
Iyadunni Ojo.
Whatever e-mail address your brother gave you is
incorrect or perhaps it only works properly in a
parallel universe. First off, I get so many e-mails
from people I have never met (presumably all intended
for your brother) and yet I can never pin point where
all you people are coming from. Is Ilupeju Ekiti on
the content of Africa or could it possibly be Asia?
And it is on planet Earth, in the milky way galaxy,
correct? Some feedback would be nice, athough I'm not
expecting any sense I've already sent half of you
crazy characters messages explaining in detail how I am
not Oneal, which you have in mass been too rude to
respond to or maybe too dumb to understand. If only
I could meet you in person so I could stage an elaborate
sock puppet show in order to help you understand the
strange, mysterious concept that you are somehow mailing the
wrong person.
SUBJECT: re
FROM: "Kemi Ojo" iyadunni200@yahoo.com
Dear Brother,
I am Iyadunni Ojo your sister from Ilupeju Ekiti. I was the one that mail you through the address you sent to us through Oye but you said who are you people?
Have you forgotten the lady you saw at Igbo Ora last year April with late Mr. R. O. Ojo? If you can still recollect, it is that same Dunni your sister you knew from the core.
I will be looking forward for your Reply.
Iyadunni Ojo.
Another thing that intrigues me about you people is
this strange custom of of sending two messages with
nearly identical bodies and only slighty altered
subject lines. Is this a custom from where you or a
biproduct of the dimensional portal?
SUBJECT: my words for u this year
FROM: "Becky Onatos" beckyonatos@yahoo.com
HI SWEETHEART,SORRY I GOT TO THE PARTY LATE
ANYWAY I ENJOYED THE LITTLE TIME I SPENT WITH THE
FAMILY ESPECIALLY YOUR MOM.SHE IS VERY OBSERVANT AND
SOMEHOW DIPLAMATIC,THAT IS NICE OF HER.SHE IS A WOMAN
OF PRINCIPLE.
DARLING, I MISS U.
MY WORDS FOR U THIS YEAR:
THIS YEAR IS A YEAR OF SUCCESS,PROSPERITY,AND FULL
BLESSINGS.FAVOUR WILL NOT DISTINGUISH YOU,MERCY WILL
REACH YOU,GRACE WILL EMCOMPASS YOU,AND FINALLY HELP
WILL NOT BE FAR FROM YOU.
NEXT
KISSING A MAN"S 4-HEAD IS RESPECT,LIPS IS LOVE,BREAST
IS LOYALTY,TOMMY IS HEROISM, AND FINALY I WON"T
MENTION THAT.GUESS WHAT ?IN YOUR TELL ME.
HONEY, HAVE THE GREATEST TIME WITH YOURSELF AND DON"T
DO I WOULD"NT DO
I LOVE,I WIIL CONTINUE LOVING.
YOUR FIANCEE,
BECKY LOV.
I'M SORRY BECKY, BUT I MUST BREAK EVERYTHING OFF WITH
YOU. I COULD NEVER LOVE A WOMAN WHO TYPES IN ALL
CAPS. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR FUTURE TRAVELS.
SUBJECT: missing at Valentine
FROM: "Becky Onatos" beckyonatos@yahoo.com
Hi Sweetheart,wishing you happy valentine in
advance.Despite the distance i will always love you.
Oh, sweet, sweet Becky. I miss you, and all of the
romantic, sexual things we one time did. Please write
me back, describing them in detail, it would make me
so happy to be reminded of you during this day of
love.
