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PlayStation 2 » News » story
SNK Announces Three New Games which will be Cancelled in 2004
May 01, 2004 - Today a press
release by SNK Neo Geo Amongst the games are Metal Slug 4 and Metal
Slug 5, two timely classics of 2D gaming which will never be released for the
Playstation 2.
The third game is SVC Chaos, which has spent over three years in
development and features thousands of new, hand drawn frames of animation and
a revamped game play system. Expect
tons of coverage in the coming months in the form of asanine
preview editorials on this and other video game related sites, all of them
combinations of SNK's own meaningless press
releases as well as regurgitations of every editorial on any 2D game released
after 1997. The games are then
scheduled to fall off the radar entirely before being quitely
cancelled in November, but not before having their release dates pushed back
two or possibly three times. "We here at SNK are proud to announce
conversions to these classic games, none of which came out more than two
years ago," says the companies official webpage. "We look forward to offering nearly
zero information about these titles through our webpage and miring all information
regarding their release in confusion before going totally silent weeks before
their cancellation." Amazon.com, Wal-Mart, and other retailers have
already begun to make up fictious release dates for
the titles, which should be posted to their websites within the next several
days. Before any of the titles are released, they
would have to be approved by Sony of America.
Knowing that SOA passes on titles from any company which fails to send
Japanese hookers to the suites of their executives, we asked them why SNK is
choosing to announce the games at all. "SNK doesn't really need to release games
to prosper," said Mike Dichlichen, head of the
approval process. "In fact, SNK
has not existed in any coporeal form since early
2001. "Much like magic and the fairies from Peter
Pan, SNK exists only because people belive it to exist. How many people do you personally know that
have seen Metal Slug 5 running, let alone played it? How about SVC Chaos? The reason for this is that SNK is just an
illusion, created by a quasi spirtualistic feedback
loop of information cascading through the internet, and can only stay in
existence if enough people remember them.
Everyone talks about how great SNK is, but have any of these people
played an SNK video games in the last decade? Of course not, because there are none to
play." When asked what the case would be if it turned
out that SNK was not an perpetually existing artificial creation living only
through only the illusionsitic dreams of mankind, Dichlichen had this to say. "If we actually receive
evaluation copies, we'll most likely throw them in the trash immedietly. This
is a system for quality 3D software such as Fugitive Hunter, Deer Hunter, and
Serious Sam. We don't have room for
crap like Metal Slug." In any event, it seems like fans of classic
videogames will have a lot to look forward to this summer, and then this
winter, before finally coming to grips with reality around this time next
Spring. -- IGNPS2
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